My Own Spiritual Handcart Journey

Picture from our stake Treck in Aug. 2005  Rocky Ridge

I love the handcart pioneers. I have tremendous admiration for them. I have sat in the holy place of Rock Creek and considered if I could have made it through such a situation and be as strong as they were in their faith. I am not sure I would have had the strength to endure. I am seriously such a wimp. My own ancestors were part of the Martin Handcart Company, and I read their stories and think “no way! I am not that tough.”


But it was pointed out to me recently, by a very dear friend, that I have been on my own Handcart Journey this past year. Full of uphill climbs, pulling hard to get past this hurdle or that, and then followed by a nice downhill rest.

My (three great) grandmother Eliza Gadd is my special angel who conquered Rocky Ridge and came to the Salt Lake Valley. She lost two children and her husband along the way. Can you imagine how alone she felt as she climbed Rocky Ridge in that horrible snow storm?

As she trudged along this horrible ridge with her children she developed snow blindness. The hardest part of her journey she had to do blind. But because she made it though, this horrible journey with her family I am here today, with the gospel in my life.

Why would she have anything to do with my journey? Although I have had no true physical pains as I have conquered my own obstacles, I have felt spiritual pain as I have never felt before. At times the anguish I have felt for my little ones, whom I have never held in my arms before, has been paralyzing. How can this be? I’m not really sure how, but the unsettled feelings in my heart never leave me. The intensity comes and goes, but the ache is always there.

As we pull up our last ridge I find it to be the hardest of all our pulls. I stand still to rest and look over our journey and the loss of Wei Zong Oui.  My arms long to hold her and tell her how she was loved on this earth. We like many of the pioneers have lost a child along the way. I’m sure our hurt is not as significant as theirs but right now it still adds to the load I feel.

I have felt like many of the pioneers who said I can make it as far as that tree then I will stop. The only difference for me is I have said, I can make it through January then I will stop and be able to see the end coming soon.  February starts tomorrow and the end still has no real date, and I feel the climb is too hard and I can see no end. I have now developed snow blindness of my own and I can’t see what’s in front of me. All I have is faith that the Lord will take me by the hand and lead me along as he has always done in the past.

The road is long and very lonely with no known end in sight, just the promise that it will end. I know it will, but until then I will keep going no matter how long or hard the road. I know I can climb any mountain with my Savior by my side, and in the end Liddia will be with her forever family and will have the gospel in her life just like my angel grandmother Eliza Gadd did for me.