The foremost of the problems we have considered is attachment disorder. We have also wondered about the physical ailments she may encounter with the spina bifida she was born with. And we have been concerned how this might affect our boys, especially our little Ben, being the youngest and most needing his mom a lot right now.
Obviously, to this point we have been able to move forward with faith, rather than allow the nagging and sometimes overwhelming fears take over. Those fears are still very real and very frightening. In all honesty, this is one of the scariest things we have ever done. Faith is our only weapon in this battle.
The knowledge that all of you back home are praying for us is a huge benefit and blessing to us. We also know that God has led us along thus far, and will not abandon us now. We have full confidence that He will help us through any challenge that lies ahead.
We are very grateful that she appears physically healthy, with no noticeable affects of the spina bifida. She runs, jumps, can go to the bathroom....all things we worried about because of her birth defect. We still don't know how this will affect little Benny or the other boys, but we believe that the blessings that will come from this will far outweigh the immediate challenges.
As far as attachment problems, we don't know, but chances are are we will have a few. The unknown is scary. After all our research we are both hyper vigilant, watching everything she does, wondering if it means future problems. Perhaps it would be less stressful if we didn't know about the signs of 'possible' problems that lie ahead.
If we had a quarter for all the thoughts of "give up now!", "it's too hard!", "this is crazy!", "you have a good life, don't mess it up!", "are you sure this is right?!"...and on, and on, we could probably pay for our trip. (And that is a lot!)
We can almost drive ourselves crazy with the "what if's". It all boils down to allowing God to continue to show the way and lead us along. Perhaps we just need to let things unfold and allow the power of faith to work miracles for us.
Occasionally fear will win a battle, but faith is winning the war. And, look at this sweet face, how can we not go on?? (By the way, this face doen't look quite soooo sweet during a tantrum. :)
The truth is that every child we have brings with him or her the unknown. Of course, the unknowns include joys as well as sorrows, celebrations as well as challenges. Every step we take--every day--is a small step into the darkness; and we hope that our Heavenly Father lights the way as we take those steps. Ben's arrival certainly affected Max, Drew, Spencer, and Ethan (and Mommy and Daddy). But your children have learned (and are learning) that love doesn't diminish as another person is added--it only grows.
ReplyDeleteI sincerely admire your faith and your amazing capacity to love.
Looks like you guys are missing home! Who can blame you. We love you and are here for you now and when you get home to help with all the transition. Its hard to have all these feeling, but remember this little girl is in an environment that nothing is what she is use to. You two have each other for comfort and to talk too..she might feel like she has no one. This little girl has been through a lot already at 3 years old, and if she is anything like me...when I am full of anxiety and stress..I definately have little tantrum myself. They dont know what else to do to express themselves.
ReplyDeleteYou can see the joy in her eyes..she knows in her heart that she is loved. Rachelle do you have a picture of your dad? If you do, see what she does if you show it to her. He was the last person you know to hold your sweet little girl in heaven. She might have a spiritual connection to him. I know right now that the trials and road ahead adjusting seems hard..just remember you have SAVED this sweet little girl you are holding from years of uncertainty. She now has someone to call MOM & DAD and 5 brothers! She has a family..and will now learn about our Savior because of the sacrifies you two have made. The quirks and bumps will all iron out, I have no doubt in my heart it will. Remember she is the one in the dark..not you! You have the knowledge that God will never lead you or give you more than you can handle..we need those bumps and trials in our life at ALL TIMES to grow and learn. Please know your sweet kids are doing well. Spencer seemed so happy yesterday, and who knows Ben might be a changed little boy when you get home. Maybe he needed this time away from you guys to grow too, and be more independent. The Lord knows best in all things. We love you guys..and cant wait to help..at least I cant!
Hey guys, just wanted to remind you, I hear lots of stories of tantrums while families are in China. They do seem to diminish over time as the child gets to know you, trust you, and learn to speak in a way you can all understand each other. She is beautiful. It's fun to hear you have a "girly girl."
ReplyDeleteYou guys, she is gorgeous! We can't wait to see little Liddia in person! Enjoy your trip and hope you're having a wonderful time. Safe travels!
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